Open letter to RYANAIR

Dear Mr Air,
I am writing to inform you I have chosen not to fly with your airline anymore. It isn´t because your airports are in places that are very far from your destinations, I almost expect that with your discounted prices. It isn´t because one of your air hostesses was rude and condescending. It isn´t because you didn´t notify us about a delay in our flight causing everyone to line up for extended periods of time. It isn't even because our flight was the only fucking flight coming in or out of the airport that was cancelled due to bad weather including flights 5 minutes before and after our flight. It isn´t because the next fucking flight to my destination was the next fucking day. Or that the flight I had to fucking catch was to fucking Frankfurt Hahn, a fucking hour away from Frankfurt which is 480 km away from Bremen, so I could fucking go to work. Or the fucking fact that this fucking flight was also fucking delayed by 40 fucking minutes and I had to rent a fucking car to fucking finally get home at 2:30 in the fucking morning. Or the fucking price to fucking get home you never fucking would pay your fucking customers. Or the fucking turbulence that fucking inspired people to fucking clap when we finally fucking landed 500 fucking km from where we fucking wanted to fucking be. It fucking IS because of your FUCKING slogan that fucking drives me fucking crazy (Please see the fucking photo below).
Fuck off
David Spencer




















Ps, I apologise to anyone offended by the word Ryanair

Money, money, money, must be funny

I now know what Abba was singing about, the price of a beer in Stockholm. It is as terrifyingly beautiful as it is expensive, an indication of how pretty the city is: €4 for a pot that tastes like of the bastard love child of Fosters. Stockholm is made up of heaps of islands that are rising 4mm every year as the land slowly decompresses from the last ice age. Which is good because in about a thousand years they should have enough room for more toilets. EVERY restaurant has only 1 toilet, not 1 female 1 male, but literally 1 toilet for everybody. It is totally crazy.

I walked across a frozen lake for the first time in my life, it just doesn´t feel natural. Especially when it went crack under my feet, it wasn´t dangerous but the noise sent tingles through my body... looks like I will be taking the long way into the city tomorrow.

Rental car + Autobahn = Pfanni

On the weekend I had to drive to Cloppenburg to the Pfanni (pronounced funny) Factory to teach Mr Pfanni (not his real name). I was apprehensive about being able to drive as fast as I can and also about driving on the other side of the road. I quickly alleviated the first concern by, well, driving as fast as I can. Now don´t let anyone tell you that the top speed of a Seat Leon is 216kmh, I couldn't get the thing over 192 on level ground. Previously I had been an advocate for speed limits, but that has gone up in flames with all the petrol I burnt. It is surprisingly satisfying flying past a car going 150 when you are going 190. Next time hopefully I will get a faster car.

This may contain references to Seinfeld

Not much to report, Germany is very cold. I am going to Stockholm next week just because I can. In May I am going to Latvia for 2 reasons, LATVIAN ORTHODOX BABY, and just because I can. I will arrive home in Melbourne on the 6th of October. All I want (apart from seeing my family) is a Coopers red, green will do, rice paper rolls (although after my stay in SE Asia my longing might have been quenched) and Tim Tams.

Scheißßßßßßßßße!!!!!!

Werde Bremen got knocked out in the last minutes of their champions league match with Juventus... Damn Wiese! In light of this I am more optomistic about Collingwood`s chances this year.
I have decided to set up a foundation for people dealing with depression from the loss of loved ones... I will call it 'Beyond Bluey'. I had to turn Kennett down for the chair position because of the amount of depression he has already caused Victoria.

Dude! Wo ist mein Fahrrad?

Have you seen Bluey? He is red and about yay high. My bike has finally been stolen after a flimsy unsuccessful attempt by a dero and his dero son last week. I dropped a DVD off at the video store (will they ever be called DVD stores?). The quick in and out caught the alleged dero off guard and left him rather embarrassed.
But Bluey is now gone. Sure we had the odd disagreement, a flat tyre here a broken chain there, but our bond was strong. I keep seeing red bikes in the street and think they are Bluey. I will go to the market on Sunday where i bought him to look for him. Most likely he will be for sale again.

What the funk!?!

My life has been turned upside down, i am not sure of reality anymore. I turned the TV on today and all the stations had been reprogrammed onto different channels without any human intervention. Everything is mixed up and we have lost one, poor little MTV he was a brave lad. Had it always been this way? Have i forgotten that it was always this way? What is reality? Did I take the Green Pill or the Red Pill?
I had to pinch Katrin to see if I was dreaming.